The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
