I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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