I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
