I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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