I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
