did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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