is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
