Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
