Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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