Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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