i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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