and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
