i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
