is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
