Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
