I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
