I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Who died my cat blue again?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
