I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
