it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
