it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
