a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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