Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
