She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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