Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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