i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
