So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
we should paint friendship bongs
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