Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
