Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
