whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
