Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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