My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
