Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize