Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
