i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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