No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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