Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
