whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
This house was built for laser tag.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My penis needs a shock collar
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
