I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
