What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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