respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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