Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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