I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
