just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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