Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
