Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
