I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
