Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
