And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
