About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
