i will never coherently bang her
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
