Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
high people should be assigned attendants
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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