When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
