You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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