3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
where am i from again
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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