The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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