he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
