I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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