No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
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