we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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