My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
