make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
