yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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