you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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